Tuesday, May 6, 2008

On Testicular Implants



So, this is old news, but when I had my left nard removed, I opted (in keeping with my longstanding interest in symmetry and balance) for the implantation of a saline-filled prosthetic to take its place.

Unfortunately, the only way to test-drive a prosthetic testicle is to actually have one implanted, and once it's in there, getting it out is a serious bother. I've now spent three weeks with the new guy and have begun to form some opinions.

POINT FOR: It's doing a fine job in terms of "passing." It looks quite credible, and I seriously doubt anyone could tell the difference from five paces. (It helps that very few people of any sexual orientation -- except for, I imagine, a limited set of anatomical connoisseurs -- really choose to spend sustained time in contemplation of the ballsack.)

POINT AGAINST: I am only guessing, but I think this implant weighs at least twice as much as the all-natural testicle it replaced. Now, testicles not weighing very much to begin with, you'd think the difference would be negligible. However, when crucial parts of your body, after more than a dozen years of persisting comfortably in a certain arrangement, have to stretch to a new one ... well, use your imagination.

IN CONCLUSION: I am happy I opted for the fake ball, but please consider all the possible factors when you make your own decision.

2 comments:

Ellen said...

DID YOU GET A NEUTICLE? So rad/you need this:

http://www.neuticles.com/shop/merchandisemart.shtml#bathrobe

Eric Martin said...

Can you be more specific about what gets "stretched" from having the new ball?

Are you saying it pulls on what it attaches to and provides discomfort that way?