Thursday, April 24, 2008

In Praise of My Copious Seed

I called the cryobank this morning to inquire into their analysis of my "sample" from yesterday. (The bank analyzes your sample and, depending on your count and your motility, divides it into separate vials. Each vial represents on "shot" of viable sperm that you can withdraw later.)

Sometimes people need to make multiple deposits in order to get a sufficient number of vials, which is why I needed to check in. No worries, as from my sample they were able to successfully extract FIFTEEN VIALS OF MAN-SEED. That's with one (1) testicle. The guy said that my overall count and motility were "significantly above average."

I am the mighty Nile River, drenching the soil with my floods. Eat that, you daffy motherfuckers.

That is the best news of the day. In other news: I got several tests today, including an MRI of my brain. All I could think about in the MRI machine as it clicked and thudded away was Einsturzende Neubauten:


Alexis said...

Impressive! This could be your calling to to start a fund to raise thousands in cancer research by impregnating hundreds of women hungry for your valuable and reliable man seed. Nice work, Curtis!

Ellen said...

At the hospital here, they don't have a "sperm processing center", so the adolescent dudes with cancer have to blow their load into a cup and then give it to their moms to drive it to a different hospital. Awkward.